okileydokiley

The new blog is now live at http://nukelearfishing.wordpress.com/ so please change your links and head over there for future stuff...

Bye!!

so long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye... hello, good day, bonjour, hi

Following several recent failures on the part of Blogspot I have decided to emigrate...

to nukelearfishing.wordpress.com

I am in the process of rebuilding the blog but once it is ready I will let you know and would love you to be an official follower!

bless you

time flies when it's going wrong

Howdy

Blogspot is not working properly again. I have managed to negotiate my way around it, but that may not last. Sorry! I suspect that they do their maintenance in the middle of the night, but that’s the middle of the night on the other side of the Atlantic and the daytime here, when I need it...

Timing is a tricky thing. We’ve recently had confident predictions of the end of the world which proved to be false. Today the Reverend at the heart of it all has admitted he got the date wrong (big of him) and has offered us a new date in October this year. Considering that Jesus was clear that not even he knew the date when God will put a full stop on time and bring in the renewed heavens and the renewed earth you have to admire this chap’s nerve. Is he suggesting that he has a better line of communication to the Father than Jesus did?

Get serious buddy!

People are fascinated by this, though. A small group of misguided Christians has got people all over the world talking about them. As far as publicity goes, that is pretty impressive. The problem is that you can look rather silly if you go around making claims that are proved to be wrong. The bigger problem that I see is that they are making Jesus and his church look silly.

On Sunday evening we looked at David v Goliath. One of the things that struck me was how the Israelite failure to respond to the taunts and challenge from Goliath and his backing group of Philistines was actually making God look bad. It made him appear weak, even cowardly, because his reputation was closely linked with the reputation of his people. It still is. Let me quote from the sermon, for the benefit of those who weren’t there, can’t listen online, were there but were asleep, or just can’t remember it!

“We need to recognise that God’s reputation is closely linked with the reputation of his church. It does God no credit in people’s eyes when there are public splits and arguments between Christians. It does God no credit in people’s eyes when there are sex scandals involving the clergy in his churches. It does God no credit if churches are boring and cold. It also does God no credit if we are gossips. It does him no credit if we are intolerant or antagonistic towards others. It does him no credit if we cheat on our expenses. It does him no credit if we are willing to compromise his standards.”

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. 

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

Be blessed. Be a blessing.

if you need to eat humble pie, you may need to take your foot out of your mouth first...

mmmphlugh hhmmugh grimngtpgh



That is the sound of me eating some humble pie while talking with my mouth full (of foot). Yesterday I acted less than graciously towards somebody. It took my wife Sally to point this out to me. I did not notice.


And therein lies the problem. I had become so caught up in what I was doing that I had neglected courtesy and had not thought of the impact of what I had done on someone else, which may have made them look bad in front of others. Not exactly the Christlike attitude I have been seeking, nor demonstrating the Fruit of the Spirit about which I was preaching before Easter.


Sorry.


You don't need to know the details (super-injunction is ready to launch!). The good news is that it bothered me. I think that if I get to the stage where it does not bother me I need to take a longer harder look at myself and the calling God has placed on my life.


This morning I spoke with the person concerned and they demonstrated the grace I should have shown. Bless you if you are reading this.


Sally offered me some wise advice when telling me about my ungraciousness. I share it with you in case it is helpful.


"Sometimes you need to keep quiet and think before you open your mouth."


Bless you!


And now a joke about lawyers (who are the ones really profiting from the super-injunctions and what I used to be)


A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object. 


"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's £100,000.


The second is from a marathon runner, 24 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's £150,000.


The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, and a steak lover. It's £500,000."


"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"


"Yeah, but it's from a lawyer and never been used."

password?

How do you cope when you forget a password for a website, a program or (worst of all) your computer? There are usually ways of finding it out, but sometimes you have to be a bit of a detective. Yesterday I was planning to send a blog entry for you by posting via email. But I could not remember the access code. I knew I had done it in the past, but this time it would not come back to me, and was not stored in my Blackberry.

In the end I had to admit defeat and wait until I got home to post my thoughts on the Learning at Work day yesterday.

I have a dread that someone people experience church like that. They don't understand all that is going on, some of the language we use or even can't work out where to sit and it's as if they have not been given the password. If they persist and do some detective work they can eventually work it out. But coming to church should not be difficult.

I can remember being challenged by someone speaking on this subject to go to a betting shop and place a bet. He said that if you have never been to a betting shop before it will be as awkward and unusual as it is for people who step into a church for the first time. I have to admit I never have gone into a betting shop, but I can imagine how it would feel.

In 1990 Sally and I went to a new church. (It was a Baptist church, so any non-Baptists can breathe a self-righteous sigh of relief - it couldn't have been your church. Could it?) We needed to leave fairly quickly afterwards so sat in the back pew. As the church filled up two elderly ladies came and sat on either side of us. It became obvious that we were in their seats because they started talking. To each other. Across us. Not even acknowledging us.

During the sermon one of them got out some fruit gums. They passed them across us to their friend. Not offering us one!

We left feeling completely unwelcomed and  excluded and never went back*.

In the evening we went to a different Baptist church and as the service was about the start the minister noticed us, came over and spoke to us, made sure we were welcomed and accepted. We stayed at that church for 4 years until we moved.

All of this fuels my dread that our church may cause people to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. But it's not just about being made welcome and shown your seat. It's also about helping people to feel involved and integrate. It's also about looking after those who have been with us for a long time and perhaps feel taken for granted or even that church has changed around them.

There are no short cuts. Just good relationships.

  New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies 
       
      1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses. 
       
      2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife. 
       
      3. I resolve to work with neglected children - my own. 
       
      4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. 
       
      5. I resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... 
       
      6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. 
       
      7. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support." 
       
      8. I will read the manual. 
       
      9. I will think of a password other than "password." 
       
      10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.

*About 15 years later I went back to that church as an invited preacher and was pleased that the welcome was warmer and people were obviously included. (I didn't tell them of my previous experience).

show and tell?

I am a (very) part-time chaplain at Essex University. Today I took part in a 'Learning at Work' day at the Uni. The best way I can think of to describe it is that it is a grown-up version of 'show and tell'. Now that is underplaying it badly, but the idea is that if you have a passion / skill / interest you can offer to share that with other University employees throughout the day.

I offered to give some advice and training on learning and performing magic tricks. Amazingly a few people decided that they wanted to attend the session so this morning I spent an hour and a half with half-a-dozen people from different departments of the University exploring some of the principles of magic tricks, teaching some simple moves and offering some advice, as well as showing off some of my tricks.

I felt it went okay - nobody fell asleep and all said nice things at the end. On reflection I did not invite them to say who they are (oops) and should have given much more opportunity for them to ask questions / make observations. Even though they learnt some tricks it was not as interactive as it should have been.

But on my way to the University I had an epiphany. (It didn't hurt!) I realised that this is a good analogy of how churches work. We all bring our skills, experiences, personality and talents and share them with one another. We can all learn from one another. That is part of what Baptist Christians mean by 'the priesthood of all believers'. We believe that God can and does speak to us as a gathered community through anyone and everyone who is there. That's Church Meetings / Congregational governance at its best.

And... great summary of how we share our faith could be 'show and tell' - show the difference Jesus makes in your life and tell people about it too. Perhaps we need new words for the classic 'Go, tell it on the mountains...'

"Show and tell it in the workplace, in our homes and everywhere..."

Join in at the back!

A teacher invited her class to bring in something that related to their faith for 'show and tell'

A Jewish girl brought in a candlestick and spoke about Hannukah (Festival of Light)

A Hindu lad brought in a statue of one of their gods and spoke about their prayer rituals.

A Baptist lad brought in a pale green plate and spoke about 'Bring and Share lunches'!

Gates are boring (no, not a reference to Bill)

I am working on Sunday morning's sermon. It's on Jesus saying that he is the gate to the sheep pen (John 10). Now don't get me wrong, I love the Bible and the riches within it to guide us, point us to Jesus and help us to get the best out of life. But Jesus, were you serious?


"I am the gate."

Okay, it's a Viking sheep pen, but you get the idea

It's not very dynamic. In fact for most of its life a gate is simply a fence that is an extension of the walls or hedges either side of it. It's only when someone needs to go through it that it has a few minutes of dynamism before going back to being a fence. Was Jesus having an off day here? Or was he warming up? Because shortly afterwards he came out with "I am the good shepherd" which is much better. A lot more to preach on there. It's a lot more dynamic. It's a lot more exciting. It's a person, not an inanimate object!


Of course, as usual, when I have dived into the passage and have been helped by commentators I realise that there is an incredible amount to the gate image. It's about giving access, protection, nurture, safety, it facilitates the movement of sheep to graze, grow and be nourished. If you come to our place on Sunday morning, or listen on our website the week afterwards, you can expect some of those to be in the mix. And we are more like gates than the automatic doors that open as you enter the supermarket. We are more often mundane, normal, ordinary.


I have often wondered about my own occasional need to be spectacular, something which I think many of us have. Ordinary is seen as inadequate, unsatisfying. I remember when I was a law undergraduate I had a dream of me preaching on a big stage to a large group of people. It excited me. It inspired me. A wise friend suggested I consider why, and whether it was more about my ego than about what God was calling me to do or be. 


If the dream had been about me preaching to a handful of people in a church, which was my experience when I preached my first sermon a few months later, I wonder if I would have been so inspired or excited afterwards. (I should have been. I know now that the thrill is not in the number of people listening, but in the privilege of God speaking through you to someone else).


But back to you. Do you have the need to be spectacular? Does ordinary seem inadequate? Do you go 'woohoo' or 'oh no' when the church budget is mentioned in church meetings? Do you go 'hallelujah' when you do someone's shopping for them, or is it a chore you could do without?


If nothing else (and there is a lot else) Jesus saying 'I am the gate' suggests to me that he inhabits and uses the ordinary, the mundane, the unspectacular, the boring as much as the all-singing, all-dancing, razzamatazz-delivering moments of life. Perhaps more of the former than the latter. Because there is more of that in our lives. 


Be blessed. Be a blessing.


A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. 


The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.


"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."


The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door.


"I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"


"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.


"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.


The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"